How the Haitian Government System Works

Regarding the Haiti recovery stalling, and who's behind this and what da fk?! Here's how the Haitian government system works-- All that money you sent in, including wyclef's yele text 4 cash? First you gotta pay for the minister of trade's house and car, and maybe even his kids' education (90% of schools in Haiti are private). Then you gotta pay his deputy for making the call to open the floodgates to progress. You'll also have to bribe the guards who protect the office of the transportation, since it's a long walk from his cell phone to the police commissioner who's in the middle of a nap. Then there's a tax for waking up the commissioner. It helps if you're grimel (light-skinned) and know your je-je/vous-vous or else you'll be charged the higher dark-skinned tax. If you can make your nappy look less African, you might be able to get credit but know that they do check for processed hair. After that, paperwork must be drawn to make officers feel important. There's a 30-day wait for brain cells to work, so pretend you're amused cos if you show any sign of rationality, there'll be an extension added and you'll have to pay for fanfan's new teeth. Once the wait is done, you'll need to bribe the officer who will give you the phone # of the other commissioner of access to the list of funding with their proper destinations. That phone # will be disconencted, so you'll be reverted back to that same commissioner whoYll tell you there's a waiting list for anyone needing to speak to him, unless you can come up with some gasoline for his car. You have the right to contact the U.S. embassy to complain, but that will put your name on the watch list. Plus, people like Wyclef Jean, Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Bill 'Jesus is Coming' Clinton can't legally interfere with Haitian customs and trade laws cos they're on independent soil. And even if the Red Cross played along before, the international community decided they've had enough, tho it's the Americans and their allies who initially created the problem. We don't like to admit it, much less talk about it, but the people of Haitian remember each invasion that ended with more exploitation. So it's a kind of a double-edged sword-- I'm showing you who's in charge, while spiting myself. So in the meantime, the compromise is to help out the sick and elderly. If you want the ganglords to stop terrorizing the camps and raping the innocent, that's gonna cost you too!

ps--Now, if you realy wanna make things even more confusing? As in the art of total incompetence, you allow Duvalier (baby doc) back on the island and stage a fake welcome back with the help of a handful of deseperate people who'll welcome back Hitler if it means a meal and a job!